14 years old

By 14 I was living my Uncle and Aunt. I never visited my dad much even though we were in the same town and only a few blocks from each other. My Uncle basically raised me but then again he was more of a friend then a role model. At 14 I was pretty much able to go out with friends stay out all night, drink, have fun and whatever else. I had no rules in my life and no guidance. My mom had been gone for 2 years and I was a new me. The "lady" I was starting become while my mom was alive was now a party goer and up to no good.

The few times I did visit my dad were strange. My stepmother did not want me around and you could tell. She would talk Spanish when I was there and the little bit I did know I could tell what she was saying. My dad NEVER invited me to Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, they never bought me presents because I wasn't welcomed. I was always taught to give instead of receive, so I would always show up to their house with presents for all of them including my stepmother To this day that still hurts.

I went through a lot of dark times during this time of my life. Times that nobody will ever know about and times that I never want to look back on.

During this time I felt more than rejection but hatred towards God for taking away the only woman that held the glue together in my family.  The only contact I had with my sister and brother was maybe a phone call every 6 months if I was lucky, I no longer had the "DAD" that I needed because of his wife, and I no longer felt like I was welcomed anywhere.

"Holding resentment is like eating poison and waiting for the other person to keel over."

~ Unknown